There is always power in cultivating relationships; however, they must be relationships with the right people.
I had a client who recently was successful in creating an important connection. Before his meeting, he called me to ask what he should do. “Should I talk about finance?”
“No. Find out what interests him. Does he like fishing?”
“No, but he’s into boating.”
“Figure out how to snag an invitation to go boating with him, even if it’s just to talk and drink beer.”
If we work to create relationships without an agenda, simply to create the relationship, we learn that good people know other good people. No matter what the business may be, the sport is always relationship-based.
Relationships can open doors that you never imagined, and the right people can open the right doors.
Take a minute to consider social media. Have you been on LinkedIn and noticed second and third tier connections that then make you curious about how so-and-so knows another so-and-so who knows you? Sometimes it’s obvious by career connections, but often it’s not. It’s a bit like the game “The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.” We’re probably all connected in some way to thousands or tens of thousands of others within six steps or six connections.
That curiosity can lead to opportunities for you, but relationships must come first. In building any relationship, whether professional or personal, you must be interested not interesting. No one wants to interact with someone who’s focused on themselves, but the flip side is that we all like to talk about ourselves. Ask questions about the person with whom you want to start the relationship and get them talking about themselves. They’ll be happy to do so and think highly of you in the process.
When you are in someone’s office, if you pay attention, you’ll uncover plenty to ask about. Let’s take a quick historical tour to the parlor at Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello. This was the central hub of his post-political life where he entertained guests. Displayed in this room was much of his art collection featuring portraits of those he held in high regard, paintings of notable events, furniture, musical instruments, and objects representing scientific and natural discoveries. Anyone who entered would never be lost for a topic of conversation.
Pay attention and look around. There will no doubt be plenty to spark a question that underscores your interest. What is the other person trying to communicate? We all reveal clues about ourselves in that which we choose to surround us in our spaces. If you enter someone’s office with your own agenda – other than to initiate a relationship – you will miss the clues right in front of you.
Similarly, when I walk my dog listening to podcasts, while I may be increasing my slight edge with the information I’m trying to absorb, I’m missing a lot. When I forgo the earbuds, I notice that there are quite a few pretty butterflies that I never notice if I’m distracted by my agenda of listening to a podcast. Although walking the dog in both cases, with earbuds, my attention is on listening not specifically on being present. Yes, I’m there, but I’m missing everything around me about the beauty of the place and the day and the glory of my own existence.
It really always comes back to being interested, not interesting, to notice your surroundings, and to begin building critical relationships. The relationships you build are the foundation of your own success.
We specialize in 1 on 1 Coaching for Financial Advisors.
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