The noise surrounding all of us—and when I say “noise,” I am referring to all of the distractions we face in a day, including news, social media, politics, advertising, and on and on—really seems to be getting worse. It affects us; it affects our clients. It is so easy to become distracted and get off course with the noise taking us where it wants us to go.
The ability to have a high level of awareness and to discern what’s important in the midst of all the noise is a critical skill. Part of awareness is the ability to simply observe without becoming attached. For example, can you simply observe the moment when a client says, “Oh no, the market’s down” without becoming attached? Conversely, can you remain unattached when the market goes up? You must be able to observe without attachment that which is guiding (or driving) your emotions. That’s the core of awareness.
When a client pushes back and comments on the market movement or about something they don’t like, do you get emotional about it? Do you internalize it and feel like you must become defensive? On the other side of the coin, do you feel flattered when you receive a compliment? I want you to be able to stop and raise awareness about your emotions and how you’re feeling.
If we’re able to practice this awareness, we’re far less likely to be hard on ourselves and judgmental and more likely to be happy. In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, he writes, “Be brave and master yourselves; then you will have nothing to fear.” At the heart of this is your awareness of yourself and your emotions.
The world is a world of rings; the hooks are all yours. Straighten your hooks and nothing can bind you.
Think of that compliment you’ve received—it’s a hook. Think of the criticism you’ve heard—also a hook. The same is true about your reaction (usually defensiveness) when a client pushes back. Is your internal reaction: Did I do something wrong? Anytime there’s a feeling of being wrong, defensiveness is right behind it. Defensiveness clouds awareness. It’s certainly okay to prompt for more information: “Tell me more about why you think that.” That helps you be more observant and is an opportunity for unattached curiosity and information.
If we’re curious, clients (or anyone else) will explain things in their own language and with their own “symbols” rather than us applying ours to the conversation. When the person with whom we’re communicating does the talking, they’ll feel like they are being heard. The more they talk, the more they are turning formlessness into form. Once they have form, they create a greater level of understanding.
For example, let’s say there’s a million-dollar account that takes a 20 percent hit in a market downturn and becomes $800,000. If you say anything other than the observational, “The account has $800,000,” you are creating an emotional attachment. Emotions are always what drag us down an unwanted path. Give attention to it and get more of it. If you say, “Oh no, I just lost $200,000,” is that true? No, it’s not. You didn’t sell. Anything other than “The account is worth $800,000” is drama, even emotion-filled drama. The more drama you create, the greater the level of stress and subsequently dumbness. More stress means less awareness and discernment.
Remain observant and aware. There is no drama in observation. There is no drama in awareness. Be aware.
SuperCoach
