One of our coaches shared something on a recent call about an advisor he works with. The advisor is smart, he’s producing, and he still struggles with confidence. One small setback, a surprise at the office or a rough week, and it lands like a major one. It’s a useful lesson in financial advisor stress management, because the fix isn’t thinking harder.
Three Wins From Today, Three for Tomorrow
The coach has been using a simple practice with him and others: three wins from today, three wins you want tomorrow. It shifts the focus from the gaps to the gains. Look how far you’ve come since we started, instead of what you haven’t done yet. It’s a simple way to bounce back from a setback at work, and it quietly rebuilds confidence.
It’s a great tool, and it got me thinking about what else we can hand someone when their state goes sideways.
Your Emotional Mind Moves Faster Than Your Intellect
Here’s the thing about your emotional mind. It moves a lot faster than your intellect. Once your emotions start heading in a direction, the speed of them takes over, and it’s much easier to say the dumb thing, send the angry email, or spiral for a week. Psychologists call the extreme version an amygdala hijack, and it’s why emotional regulation matters so much for financial advisors.
You usually can’t think your way out in the moment. You must interrupt it first, and that means giving yourself something to go to.
Two Tools to Interrupt the Spiral
Here are the two I keep coming back to. Neither one takes talent or willpower, just a decision made ahead of time.
1. A Sanctuary
The first tool is a sanctuary. One of my clients, a guy I’ll call Gary, would get agitated and stop thinking clearly. I asked him, “When’s the last time you’ve been to the river?” He lives by one. He went and stared at it for a while, and his perspective changed. Most of us have felt that, at the ocean or on a walk in the woods.
It doesn’t have to be nature. It can be a church, a quiet room in your house, anywhere that lets your mind settle and gives ideas room to arrive. Decide where yours is before you need it.
2. A Sourcing Activity
The second tool is what I call a sourcing activity. It’s the thing a person can do to get back to center, and it works best when it gives them easy wins. Practicing an instrument. Riding a bike. Walking the dog. Going to the range. Hitting the gym.
The point isn’t the activity. It’s that you can’t fail at it, and finishing it changes your state. A sourcing activity is always available. Ask yourself, where’s the place where you can get easy wins?
Surrender Is the Frame, These Are the Moves
This is the practical companion to something I wrote in Stress Makes You Stupid: Why Surrender Is a Financial Advisor’s Best Strategy. Surrender is the frame. Sanctuary and sourcing are the moves you make when the frame feels out of reach. Used regularly, they build the kind of resilience financial advisors need.
If you want to understand why we all slip into default reactions in the first place, the podcast Understanding Your Human Operating System is a good place to start.
This Week’s Quick Win
Write down two things today, your sanctuary and your sourcing activity. Name the actual place and the actual activity, and decide them before you need them. Then, at the end of each day for the next week, write down three wins. A simple daily wins journal is enough. Small ones count. Waking up on time counts.
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